A Fairy Tale Life
by just an0ther weasley
Summary: Umm, I had a good time writing this, I know it has no plot, but don't flame me! Ignore minor plot holes and entertain the possiblities: Hogwarts students, ripping everyone's favorite fairy tales to shreads....


Professor Leary walked into the classroom, which at the moment was in utter chaos. "Um, boys and girls, please be quiet, okay?"

The students, especially Fred and George Weasley, who had been setting off a few Fillibusters, took a minute to quiet down, then sat fidgeting in their seats. Professor Leary taught Muggle Studies, and was conducting an extra credit program about the misuses of wizards and witches in Muggle fairy tales. All students, whether they took the course or not, were invited to attend.

"Um, today we will be studying fairy tales." Professor Leary said, pausing to wait for a reaction. When he got none, except for a few bored looks, he continued. "I have selected one for today, and I think some of you might be familiar with it."

"How come we didn't get to pick it?" a third year boy with light brown hair asked.

"I'm the teacher, okay Matthew?" Professor Leary spluttered in his squeaky voice, the veins popping out his neck, pimply face going red. Even though he was extremely young, and pimply, Professor Leary was so boring he rivaled Professor Binns.

The students snickered.

Professor Leary cleared his throat. "Our first fairy tale is one you have probably heard before. It's called "Aladdin and the Magic Lamp", a tale from Thousand and One Nights." He began: 

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"Once upon a time, in an oriental kingdom, there was a poor boy named Aladdin. He spent all his days running through the streets barefoot, while his mother spun all day long to support them; his father was long dead.

'One day I will be old,' his mother often told him, 'and I will no longer be able to support us. Then you must work for a living. You should try and find a profession.'

But Aladdin laughed, and went out to play; there was plenty of time to find a profession!

One afternoon, when he was engaged in a rough sort of game with his friends, a fierce and powerful looking man approached him. Aladdin didn't know it, but he was a powerful magician.

'Would you like to become rich?' the man asked Aladdin.

'Of course!' Aladdin exclaimed, 'but you have to work to become rich and, who wants to work?'

'Work? Don't be silly!' the magician scoffed. 'If you help me, you will have more treasures than a king!'

Aladdin was very excited about this idea, so he went with the strange man. First they went to…"

"Wait a minute!" exclaimed a fifth year girl with blonde pig tails.

"What is it Hannah?" Professor Leary grumbled, angry at the interruption.

"Didn't Aladdin's mom ever teach him not to talk to strangers?" Hannah questioned.

"Yeah!" Malfoy added angelically. "This isn't setting a very good example for us!"

"Umm, Aladdin never listened to his mother." Professor Leary mumbled, unsure of what to say. Before there were anymore interruptions, his continued with the tale.

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"First they went to a clothes merchant, and the man bought Aladdin a magnificent set of clothing, unlike anything Aladdin had ever set his hands on before. There was a richly embroidered red satin cloak, fine sandals and a small red turban to match the cloak.

'But why do I need these clothes?' Aladdin asked curiously. 'What do you need me to do for you?'

'The task I am taking you to perform requires you to be smartly dressed.' The magician said mysteriously as Aladdin admired his new garments.

Then the magician led Aladdin to the outskirts of the city, and they began to walk. After a very, very, long time, they stopped at the foot of a mountain, in a large overgrown garden. Then the mag-"

"Wait a minute!" said sandy-haired Seamus Finnigan. "This dude's a magician, right?"

"Uh huh." Professor Leary replied.

"Then why didn't he just magic them to this garden?"

"Ah-"

"And why did Aladdin need to be smartly dressed?" said Hermione pointedly.

"That's enough Seamus, and you too Hermione! That's how it goes okay?" Professor Leary said, befuddled.

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"Then the magician performed a spell, and 'poof' they were in a large overgrown garden. Then the magician lit a fire from the shrubs and trees he found in the garden."

"That's a fire hazard." Katie Bell said pointedly.

"Right, okay." Professor Leary affirmed nervously.

"_Then the magician lit a fire from the shrubs and trees he found in the garden, making sure that nothing else went on fire. He pulled from his cloak a sparkling glass bottle, and sprinkled the contents, a fine powdery white sand that smelt of herbs, over the fire. The fire crackled and popped, and a thick blue smoke filled the air causing Aladdin to cough and wheeze._

'Come down loyal spirit, and reveal your secret!' the magician cried in a loud and fearsome voice. Then the earth trembled, and Aladdin was afraid.

Out of the ground came a stone square with a rusty iron ring. 'Now Aladdin,' the magician commanded, 'lift the stone, as you are the only one who can do so. Beneath it you will find an enchanted orchard. There is a lamp hidden in this orchard, bring it to me.'

So Aladdin bent down and lifted the stone looking down expectantly. But instead of an orch-"

"How come Aladdin could lift the stone?" Harry objected.

"Gee, ah…"

"Yeah, wouldn't iron be a bit heavy for him?" said another boy named Matthew.

"Umm…"

"And how did the magician know that Aladdin was the only boy who could lift the stone?" asked the first Matthew.

"The stone was uh, magic, and uh the magician looked in his crystal ball, and saw Aladdin opening the stone." Professor Leary fumbled. Sensing someone would have an objection to his explanation, he forged ahead.

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"But instead of an orchard, Aladdin saw a staircase leading away into the dark. 'I thought you said this led to an orchard!' Aladdin said, confused.

'It does, but first you must go down the stairs, down three halls, and then another staircase. The stairs are too small for me,' the magician said remorsefully 'especially since you will be struck by a bolt of lightning if you touch the walls. Don't worry though, this ring will protect you.'

Aladdin went down the stairs very carefully-"

"Wait a minute!" said Lavender Brown.

"What is it Lavender?" Professor Leary said exasperatedly.

"Wouldn't Aladdin be afraid?" she challenged, disbelieving.

"Uh, okay…" Professor Leary.

__

"When Aladdin hesitated, having second thoughts about the whole thing, the magician pushed him down the stairs roughly, and Aladdin had to struggle to keep his balance. 'You almost pushed me into the wall!' Aladdin exclaimed fearfully.

'Dear, dear, how clumsy of me.' The magician said with mock concern. 'Pick all the fruit you want from the garden, it will be your first reward.'

Aladdin got very excited at this, now that the magician had hinted he was to receive SEVERAL rewards; he would be rich without working for sure!"

"Aladdin's greedy!" Paravati said, shocked. "How come HE'S the good guy?" she asked.

Professor Leary cleared his throat nervously and mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like "darn plot holes, I'm gonna kill whoever wrote this tale" under his breath.

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"Aladdin reached the bottom of the stairs without further mishap, and soon made his way across the three halls and up the second staircase.

What he found at the top astonished him! He was in a magnificent garden filled with hundreds of trees, each bearing shining fruit. Aladdin's mouth watered, but this fruit was not for the eating. The trees were laden with milky pearl of all shades, rich red rubies, amethysts, topaz, jade, emeralds, sparkling diamonds ranging from clear to shades of aqua, pink, red, purple, and green, and every other gem imaginable.

Aladdin, however, was unaware of the fruits' real value, thinking them to be cheap glass beads like his mother wore. Even so, he decided to pick some for her, and filled his pockets till they bulged. Then he caught sight of the lamp and ran towards it, remembering the reason for his visit. He took the lamp off a tree stump an-"

"I thought the lamp was HIDDEN!" Ron shouted.

"Well, I guess you were wrong Ron, okay?" Professor Leary said irritably. "Don't interrupt."

__

"He took the lamp out of its very secret and hard to find hiding spot and set off back the way he had come."

"That's better." Ron said, satisfied.

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"Then Aladdin managed to get the lamp from the magician, and went home, became rich, and married the Sultan's daughter, and after they killed the evil magician together, they lived happily ever after."

"That's NOT how it goes." half the class exploded.

Professor Leary groaned and slammed his head on the desk.

A/N: I don't care if you hate this. One of the reviewers commented "hermione wouldn't say half those lines! ugh! some writers…" even though she only said one thing. I found that rather amusing. Most people were really sweet though. This was originally written as a school assignment, but I liked it so much I put a Harry Potter twist on it. Hope you all enjoyed. 

Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own Harry Potter. I only own Professor Leary (my fifth grade teacher in disguise) and the two Matthews (the first who is my brother, actually). Um, the talse of Aladdin is not my original work, I think it's from a 1001 Nights or something. J thanks for reading


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